Another One Bites the Dust

     So here we are, 22 months later, and so many thoughts to be processed and placed on paper, (or the screen in this case). I think I want to take on a topic today, that, since being a return missionary, has been on my mind oft. And on the minds of everyone in my family. It's the BIG question:

"WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED???"  

    I'd like to take the time to answer that question, starting from my answer 4 months ago, to my answer now. 

     4 months ago, I was an awkward RM, trying to find my place, re-learning how to dance, communicate, and dress myself. I was also trying out, and being terrified by, the dating scene. I have a confession: Since being home, I have been on 2 dates. YUP. Just two. So to all you sistas out there who are thinking that the RM card is GOLD. It's not always. Now, don't get me wrong. I have, on a weekly basis, watched at least one friend PER WEEK, (RM's and non-RM's) get engaged since I have been home. So, that is a solid 20 people, at LEAST. (Don't even get me started on the Christmas and New Years blowout. And now VALENTINES DAY??? Ugh. It's crazy.) And I am very VERY happy for every single one of them. They look adorable in their photos, they are all great people and they all deserve to get married to great people and have great babies. So happy day for all of them. With ever FB announcement I get to sing a classic by Queen, " dun Dun DUN another one bites the dust!" (It's perfect, right?)

      Just after getting home, it seemed right. Find a husband, get married, give my parents some grandkids and whatnot. And hey, everyone else was doing it! But, then after date #1, I felt normal. Like, not anxious for more. And after date 2, I was feeling anxious again. So then, I was looking around thinking, 

      "Great, where are you Mr. Right? I'm home now!" I had had a small mental list of people I had wanted to date since BEFORE the mission,  and in those first few months, 2 of those possibilities had already fallen through. So, I was back to square one.Then, I got frustrated.  These meme explains how I felt in regards to the world: 

It was like, "C'mon God, I've done my part, now where's my man? I thought I had some great choices picked out and they ended up not being right!" Then, I remembered something that my dear friend Ashley told me. " When you get married, you are at your peak, your very best self, and you find someone who is also their very best self, and together, you go on to become even better and even greater people!" It didn't make sense, until now. But let me explain. 

     So, if you look at me, you might think; "Ok. She's in a singles ward, she's an RM, where's the boyfriend/fiance?"

     I don't want to seem prideful, like EVERYONE thinks I should be married or something, but with my 16 year old sister feeling all the pressures of my family on top of her with her first boyfriend, she is anxious for the attention to be elsewhere. And then of course my loving friends, who think I'm awesome for some strange reason, find joy in trying to set me up! *Thanks to Heather, Jess, Syd, Tessa, and my MOM. 

     But then I realized, that I wasn't at my full point of awesomeness yet! I want this awesome husband, and yet, I am not even fully awesome myself! It;s just like Ashley said. Time after time in the mission (yes, believe it or not) I would learn things about what I would need to do to find my future husband, or what I needed to be, etc. Out there, I grew so much, I can hardly believe it. And yet, I STILL have room to grow, and I can't wait to do it. Now instead of waiting on my next future relationships, like the great Al Fox said, (see link below) "I need to focus on my relationship with God." Instead wasting my time pining away for a relationship to come, why not focus on the most important relationship I'll ever have!? The relationship with my loving Heavenly Father. 

 

Al Fox's post on Single Life

      So for now, that is what I will be humbling focusing on. My time as a wife and mother will come. But first, I want to deserve what I want. And that means continuing down the path of becoming my best self, and having the best relationship I can with the single most important person in my life. 

    Here is to you, my future husband. To bettering myself for you, for us, for our family. To having a relationship with our Heavenly Father, and to all the other single ladies out there, our time will come when the Lord sees fit. 

    On that note, enjoy this time, travel, eat, listen, pray, read, BE SINGLE and Love it. Because someday we won't get it back! We'll find them soon. 

Until then, hubby.